the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
