Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
