If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
