After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
