His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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