He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
