I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
