Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
