I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
