Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
