i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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