eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
where are you?
Hypothermia
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
