He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
