3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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