i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
