oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
