Banned from zoo.
Again?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
