Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
