just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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