I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
