what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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