Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
