I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
