You're my little dorito
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if only i could text you this smell
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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