I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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