for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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