Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
