I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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