That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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