Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
