Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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