I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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