Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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