It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
