New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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