all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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