the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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