the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
