Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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