did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
