I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
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