Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
This is my gift to your gina
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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