Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
