I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
