Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
