he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
