Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
