I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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