thus making me awesome and them whores
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
My bed smells like the plague
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
