I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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