Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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