update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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