right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
