I wannas sexs uuuuu
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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