Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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