Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
