I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
